Dear Annie: My Almost Perfect Husband Gives Me No Affection


Dear Annie: My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We found each other when we needed each other the most. I fell madly in love with him and still am a decade later.

Four months after we met, he asked me to marry him, and two months later, we found out we were pregnant. We were both in our late thirties. I had two children from a previous marriage who lived at home with me. He stepped right into the role of dad and did the best job he could. My eldest has now made us grandparents. My husband is the best dad our grandson could have asked for.

He’s an amazing person, and I know he loves me with all his heart, but ever since I got pregnant with our child, he hasn’t been very loving towards me. Over the past six years, his health has declined and we have both gained weight. I told him about it. His response is, “It’s just the way I am.” He kisses me good morning and good night, and he texts me all day long telling me he loves me.

My husband is attentive and caring when I am sick or injured. We hold hands; we chat and talk as always, but if I want something more than that, I have to initiate it and face the possibility of rejection.

Being rejected by the love of my life just destroys me. We went from crazy teenagers to not having a relationship for months. I know that my body has changed, and his too. I begged him to see someone – maybe it’s something medical and can be treated – but he refuses. He says the fact that he’s not interested in having sex with me hurts him as much as it hurts me.

I’ve tried to be understanding and loving about it, but it’s getting harder and harder. I’m also afraid of dying imagining that I’ll never feel a man’s touch or passion again.

Leaving him would devastate my whole family and me. Not once did I consider cheating on him – until recently. I crave attention and intimacy. I know I could go somewhere else and get my physical needs met, but cheating is something I’ve always sworn never to do. I’ve been thinking about it more and more lately. Thank you for listening to me, I would like some advice. — I miss my husband

Dear Missing My Husband: Cheating will only complicate matters by bringing another person into your otherwise wonderful marriage. It’s time for both of you to see a professional marriage counselor. What emerges from your letter is the image of a couple who are very much in love and respectful of each other, but who are stuck in a rut. The best way to get out of a rut is to understand why you are in this field and, with the help of a professional, get out of the rut. Also, I would get you both checked out by a doctor and make sure there is nothing physically wrong with either of you.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. To visit for more information.

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